TravelValue: Portland, Oregon: May 2018

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Camas, WA: Extremely Underwhelming - An Unfortunate Trend In Recent Weeks

Feast At 316
316 Dallas Street
Camas, WA 98607
Phone number (360) 210-7498
Website: camasfeast316.com
Prices: $$$$

After hearing and reading good things about Feast at 316, we decided to invite some friends from Gresham for lunch after having attended my wife's presentation on Emily Brönte at the Camas Public Library around the corner. The place was empty when we arrived, a relatively small dining room and bar with brick walls, wooden tables and chairs, and chalkboards. At $40 for lunch, including tip, a burger, meatloaf and an IPA ($6), I was not impressed in the least.

The Plain Jane burger ($10) was as described, a simple, decent size beef patty with cheddar cheese on a basic bun, a small lettuce leaf (with a puddle of water still on it), thinly sliced tomato and onion, and homemade sweet pickle slices that were not very good. The accompanying steak fries appeared to be cut in-house and were seasoned well, but lukewarm, not hot. Not a bad value overall, but the meat had an odd taste.

My McCusker Meatloaf ($15) was wrapped in bacon and a puff pastry, but very dry with no gravy or sauce. It had obviously been sitting somewhere for quite a while because it was, like the fries, lukewarm, had little flavor, and fell apart when cut with my fork, making it difficult to eat. The "smash fried potatoes" seemed more like burnt potato skins than fried potatoes, sitting on a red sauce, apparently their "Monkey Gland" sauce, which tasted as bad as the name sounds. The accompanying brussel sprouts came in a bacon Dijon sauce and were too rich for me to finish. Believe it or not, the same meatloaf is $25 on their dinner menu, but I felt ripped off having paid $15 for the lunch version, neither coming with soup, salad, and/or bread.

Pasta dishes run $22 to $27 and other entrees range from $23 (chicken) to $43 (8 ounce filet) on the dinner menu. At $27, their "Fettucine" Bolognese (misspelled on the menu - it should be "fettuccine" with two Cs) costs three times more than the best and most expensive Bolognese I have ever had in Italy. Based on our lunch experience and their dinner menu prices, I do not see myself spending $100 on a mediocre, lukewarm dinner for two any time soon.

At least they do not have a 5% surcharge for non-tipped employees any longer, apparently having decided to pay their employees a fair wage without gouging customers any more than they already do.

CombatCritic Gives Feast At 316 3 Bombs Out Of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better!

Three Bombs Equates To:

Translation for Civilians: "Situation Normal, All Fucked Up"

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Vancouver, WA: Petra House Dropped The Ball, Earning A Spot On My "WALL OF SHAME"

Petra House

1900 NE 162nd Avenue

Vancouver, WA 98684

Website: petrahousewa.com

Prices: $$$$

I will not waste too many brain cells on Petra House because they have zero business acumen and I refuse to spend my time or yours on a business that has such poor customer service. Long story short ...

I would not have even known about Petra House if not for a Groupon email that arrived in my inbox yesterday, so I bought one knowing that it was our anniversary and my wife loves Mediterranean cuisine even though we were planning on going somewhere else that night.

Groupon - Note that it states "Only valid for traditional MENU", not traditional "DISHES"

Being a business owner who has used Groupons, I know that businesses lose money on the deals (40% percent off in this case PLUS a hefty 40%-60% commission for Groupon on the purchase price). The only reasons for a business to use Groupon is to let people know they are there and get them in the door, win them over as future customers, and hope many purchasers do not use the Groupon at all (which happens more often than you would think).

I saw that the table next to us was having a problem with their Groupon (he was extremely irate) after we had ordered , so I decided to check and see what the problem was. The server, Simone, explained that their Groupon (and ours apparently) was good only for the "Traditional Menu" as it clearly states on the Groupon. What they MEAN is that you can only order off of the menu page entitled "Traditional Dishes", so our orders did not comply (like the other table). I told her that there was obviously confusion regarding the terms "menu" versus "dishes" (see my menu photos and Groupon) and that we thought there was a "Special Menu" other than the regular (traditional) menu that we had ordered from, asking to reconsider her position. She staunchly refused, stating that "the manager isn't here and I can't make a decision like that". Are you telling me that here is no manager on the premises who can resolve customer issues? Who the hell is in charge here? Needless to say, we cancelled our dinner order, ate and paid for the appetizer we had ordered, and left.

Traditional "Dishes", Not Traditional "Menu"

I refuse to frequent businesses with poor or non-existent customer service and there was absolutely no reason for this business not to make an exception to policy (which they have the ability to do) based on the language confusion in the Groupon. I told Simone that they had lost two customers (the other table and us) that night and that I would be cancelling the Groupon, which I did the following morning. Instead of winning customers over with a positive first impression, Petra House dropped the ball and lost two customers plus all of our friends and acquaintances who will be hearing about our horrible experiences. So much for our anniversary dinner.

CombatCritic Gives Petra House 1 Bomb out Of 10 And A Spot On My "WALL OF SHAME" ... More Bombs Are Better!

One Bomb Equates To:

Translation for Civilians: "Fucked Up Beyond All Repair"

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Dear Friend (Caro Amico), Get A Clue (Ottenere Un Indizio)!

Caro Amico Italian Cafe
3606 SW Barbur Blvd
Portland, OR 97239
South Portland, Southwest Portland
Phone number (503) 223-6895
Website: caroamicoitaliancafe.com
Prices: $$$$

Ho-Hum. When I saw just 3.5 stars, I had some concerns. But with nary a decent, home-style Italian restaurant in a town infamous for its culinary delights, I decided to give Caro Amico a shot.

Having lived and traveled extensively in Italy and being married to an Italian, I am used to great, authentic Italian food and Neapolitan pizza at extremely reasonable prices. This has not been the case in Portland in the year we have lived here. With pasta dishes at $20+, individual "Neapolitan" pizzas, and I use that term loosely, in the same price range, and veal entrees (no soup/salad, bread, or both) at $25 and up (when you can find veal), I have found Italian food in Portland and surrounds expensive and subpar. Caro Amico was no exception.

We were herded into the dark bar at 5:20PM even though there were several tables in the restaurant available. The bartender seemed a bit grouchy, not understanding my wife's inquiry about sauce options for her pizza (she's allergic to tomatoes) and stating "whatever" rather than taking the time to understand or explain.

Their "Happy Hour" menu is a joke, with drink prices basically the same as regular prices as far as I could tell and half orders of menu dishes at half-price. Where is the value in that? Being our first visit, we decided to order of the regular menu.

Instead of getting an 6.5 inch "small" one-topping pizza/snack for $11.50, my wife ordered a large pizza "Milano Style", which turned out to be "olive oil and sweet basil" (aka "pesto"), with mushrooms ($18.50) so we could take home the leftovers, a much better value. Having lived in Naples, Italy most of her life, she is a bit of a pizza snob, claiming that the size was "OK" and the sauce, cheese and mushrooms somewhat flavorful, but the crust rather chewy and "blah".

I went with my "American" favorite, Veal Parmigiana (which you would never find in Italy - there is no such thing as meat with tomato sauce and cheese on top), my go-to dish and a telltale sign of a restaurant's quality and value. At $24.75, the "veal" was not bad, but a bit too thick (could have been pounded more) and a little tough. The sauteed veggies were rather flavorless, a mixture on broccolini, zucchini, onions and peppers and mixed in with the pasta (penne) that did not have enough sauce on it. The sauce was fair, not bad, but nothing special. Either the penne or veggies had not been drained well enough because there was a pool of water under the pasta, an unforgivable faux pas and pet peeve of mine.

If you are paying $25 for an à la carte entrée, they could at least drain the pasta and put enough sauce on it so you do not have to eat plain, watery penne ... barf! They also do not serve bread with your meal, something expected at the vast majority Italian restaurants stateside and at ALL restaurants in Italy. There was not even bread on the menu, except for the $7 garlic bread that costs exactly the same on both the regular and happy hour menus.

The numerous "5-star" reviews indicate that they have obviously never been to Italy, having likely eaten only in Portland's dearth of decent Italian restaurants, so Caro Amico's 3.5 -star Yelp average seems a bit high to me. I give them deductions for a lukewarm reception, shoving us into the dark and dingy bar with a grumpy bartender, lack of bread with our meal, a lousy happy hour menu, watery pasta, and not so cheap à la carte menu. Based on this, our first visit, we will not be returning anytime soon ... not impressed in the least.

CombatCritic Gives Caro Amico 4 Bombs Out Of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better!

Four Bombs Equates To:

Translation for Civilians: "Bend Over, Here It Comes Again"