TravelValue: Portland, Oregon

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Washougal, WA: No Bueno Compadres! ... Not Good Mate!

Los Dos Compadres

701 E Street

Washougal, WA 98671

Phone number (360) 335-1706

Website: They Do Not Have One

Prices: $$$$

I thought Mexican restaurants in the Midwest were bad ... until we moved to Portland, Oregon. I love Mexican food, but I would rather cook at home then eat the crap places like this put out.

I paid $20 plus tip ($24) for a dinner for one with NO DRINKS, only water, and all I had was a taco, enchilada, and chimichanga (it was actually a burrito) with refried beans and a small side of guacamole ($4.95). I like to have a margarita or a beer when I eat Mexican food, but I refuse to order drinks at restaurants that do not print drink prices on their menus. Soft drink prices were on the menu, but you have to guess how much the alcoholic drinks will be, meaning they are probably trying to gouge you.

The chips were store-bought, about the same quality as you can get at Safeway just down the street and the salsa likely out of a plastic tub. You apparently have to pay extra if you want more than one bowl of their mediocre chips. I asked if they had "hot" salsa, something every Mexican restaurant I have ever been to has, but was told "that's all we got". The guacamole was not bad and was well seasoned, but the serving was skimpy for $5.

The taco came on a pre-fab shell, a sure sign that you are eating at a substandard Mexican restaurant. If they do not even bother to fry their own taco shells, that tells you about their commitment to excellence and customer satisfaction. Tacos are one of America's favorite foods, so why would anybody eat at a place that uses Rosarita or Old El Paso taco shells? There was plenty of ground beef, but it was an odd red color and so greasy (see video below) that the crappy shell was falling apart shortly after arriving at my table. I had to eat the last half off of the plate with my fork.

The cheese and onion enchilada was the sole highlight of the meal, but that is not saying much. The supposed "chimichanga" that I ordered was actually a very small burrito, the smallest flour tortilla I have ever seen with shredded beef inside and two small dabs of guacamole on top. I asked the server if that was what they call a "chimichanga" and he said it was, telling me that it was supposed to be deep fried, a step they apparently had missed. Being so dismayed by my experience, I politely declined when he offered to have it remade.

The service was friendly and good with the food coming very fast and my water glass topped-up without delay. Unfortunately, the food sucked just like at their sister restaurant a few blocks east and the fork they gave me still had food on it from the last customer. It was not the worst Mexican restaurant I have ever been to, but it was close.

CombatCritic Gives Los Dos Compadres 3 Bombs Out Of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better!

Three Bombs Equates To:

Translation for Civilians: "Situation Normal, All Fucked Up"

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Camas, WA: Extremely Underwhelming - An Unfortunate Trend In Recent Weeks

Feast At 316
316 Dallas Street
Camas, WA 98607
Phone number (360) 210-7498
Website: camasfeast316.com
Prices: $$$$

After hearing and reading good things about Feast at 316, we decided to invite some friends from Gresham for lunch after having attended my wife's presentation on Emily Brönte at the Camas Public Library around the corner. The place was empty when we arrived, a relatively small dining room and bar with brick walls, wooden tables and chairs, and chalkboards. At $40 for lunch, including tip, a burger, meatloaf and an IPA ($6), I was not impressed in the least.

The Plain Jane burger ($10) was as described, a simple, decent size beef patty with cheddar cheese on a basic bun, a small lettuce leaf (with a puddle of water still on it), thinly sliced tomato and onion, and homemade sweet pickle slices that were not very good. The accompanying steak fries appeared to be cut in-house and were seasoned well, but lukewarm, not hot. Not a bad value overall, but the meat had an odd taste.

My McCusker Meatloaf ($15) was wrapped in bacon and a puff pastry, but very dry with no gravy or sauce. It had obviously been sitting somewhere for quite a while because it was, like the fries, lukewarm, had little flavor, and fell apart when cut with my fork, making it difficult to eat. The "smash fried potatoes" seemed more like burnt potato skins than fried potatoes, sitting on a red sauce, apparently their "Monkey Gland" sauce, which tasted as bad as the name sounds. The accompanying brussel sprouts came in a bacon Dijon sauce and were too rich for me to finish. Believe it or not, the same meatloaf is $25 on their dinner menu, but I felt ripped off having paid $15 for the lunch version, neither coming with soup, salad, and/or bread.

Pasta dishes run $22 to $27 and other entrees range from $23 (chicken) to $43 (8 ounce filet) on the dinner menu. At $27, their "Fettucine" Bolognese (misspelled on the menu - it should be "fettuccine" with two Cs) costs three times more than the best and most expensive Bolognese I have ever had in Italy. Based on our lunch experience and their dinner menu prices, I do not see myself spending $100 on a mediocre, lukewarm dinner for two any time soon.

At least they do not have a 5% surcharge for non-tipped employees any longer, apparently having decided to pay their employees a fair wage without gouging customers any more than they already do.

CombatCritic Gives Feast At 316 3 Bombs Out Of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better!

Three Bombs Equates To:

Translation for Civilians: "Situation Normal, All Fucked Up"

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Vancouver, WA: Petra House Dropped The Ball, Earning A Spot On My "WALL OF SHAME"

Petra House

1900 NE 162nd Avenue

Vancouver, WA 98684

Website: petrahousewa.com

Prices: $$$$

I will not waste too many brain cells on Petra House because they have zero business acumen and I refuse to spend my time or yours on a business that has such poor customer service. Long story short ...

I would not have even known about Petra House if not for a Groupon email that arrived in my inbox yesterday, so I bought one knowing that it was our anniversary and my wife loves Mediterranean cuisine even though we were planning on going somewhere else that night.

Groupon - Note that it states "Only valid for traditional MENU", not traditional "DISHES"

Being a business owner who has used Groupons, I know that businesses lose money on the deals (40% percent off in this case PLUS a hefty 40%-60% commission for Groupon on the purchase price). The only reasons for a business to use Groupon is to let people know they are there and get them in the door, win them over as future customers, and hope many purchasers do not use the Groupon at all (which happens more often than you would think).

I saw that the table next to us was having a problem with their Groupon (he was extremely irate) after we had ordered , so I decided to check and see what the problem was. The server, Simone, explained that their Groupon (and ours apparently) was good only for the "Traditional Menu" as it clearly states on the Groupon. What they MEAN is that you can only order off of the menu page entitled "Traditional Dishes", so our orders did not comply (like the other table). I told her that there was obviously confusion regarding the terms "menu" versus "dishes" (see my menu photos and Groupon) and that we thought there was a "Special Menu" other than the regular (traditional) menu that we had ordered from, asking to reconsider her position. She staunchly refused, stating that "the manager isn't here and I can't make a decision like that". Are you telling me that here is no manager on the premises who can resolve customer issues? Who the hell is in charge here? Needless to say, we cancelled our dinner order, ate and paid for the appetizer we had ordered, and left.

Traditional "Dishes", Not Traditional "Menu"

I refuse to frequent businesses with poor or non-existent customer service and there was absolutely no reason for this business not to make an exception to policy (which they have the ability to do) based on the language confusion in the Groupon. I told Simone that they had lost two customers (the other table and us) that night and that I would be cancelling the Groupon, which I did the following morning. Instead of winning customers over with a positive first impression, Petra House dropped the ball and lost two customers plus all of our friends and acquaintances who will be hearing about our horrible experiences. So much for our anniversary dinner.

CombatCritic Gives Petra House 1 Bomb out Of 10 And A Spot On My "WALL OF SHAME" ... More Bombs Are Better!

One Bomb Equates To:

Translation for Civilians: "Fucked Up Beyond All Repair"